I decided back at Easter this term's aim for my presence in the classroom: to become the calm at the eye of the storm.

So no matter what is happening in the room, whether Matthew is punching Jake, whether Craig is telling the classroom assistant to fuck off, whether Joel has forgotten that he's six foot two now, and has picked up a first year and swung him round his head, striking me in the mouth with the poor child's feet, whether Kru and Arif are playfighting with their texts in row four, whether Alison has decided to liven up the lesson by screaming and dancing a jig, whether the class have decided to foreground ethnicity today and spend their time calling each other 'white boy' and 'black girl', whether Christopher has pulled out a roll of carpet from his bedroom at home, and is lying on it sucking his thumb and pretending to bark like a puppy, whether challenging or babysitting, exceeding targets or missing them, dealing with paperwork or humanwork, the too tactile drama queen boss or the silent eleven year old girl who hasn't spoken all year ... my response will be the same.

Calm.