The Blackboard Jungle

days spent beating back the seeds of doubt

Thursday, October 06, 2005

It is the end of our college weeks - next week we go to school for the first time. People are anxious about start times, what to wear and where they will get lunch. Imagine how it must be for a 11 year old moving up from juniors.

I had always had a mental picture of myself as a teacher - the whole, Miss, standing up, teaching, snotty noses, hormonal teenagers, even the pastoral side and the interminable paperwork- but somehow I had never questioned whether I actually had anything to teach. That is, whether I have within my head, education and experience, anything worth passing on.

That is my biggest fear now - that my ability to control a classroom will be limited not by my high pitched squeeky voice or my diminutative size but instead by the fact that I have nothing to say that will interest them. I can control this to some extent by preparing lessons but I am afraid that when they say "But Miss, what's the POINT!" that I may crumble and confess yes, that they are right, they will never find a use for quadratic equations/logarithms/3D trigonometry.